that I have strong dissociative tendencies and it is Really Not Good.
When I look back on my life
And the recent destruction
I realise that everything is just a repeating cycle:
- Me feeling generally inhuman
- Meeting someone who wants to talk to me
- Me projecting a specific personality in order to communicate with that person
- Me projecting that personality because then at least I can feel something and I have someone to care about
- Me projecting that personality because it gives me a sense of stability in knowing who I am
- We have an enjoyable friendship or relationship
- We are actually really close
- The projection eventually crumbles because its too hard to sustain
- I go back to being a non-person
- I literally give zero fucks about that person anymore because I am literally unable to care
- I cut them out of my life
- They keep wanting to reconnect but I can no longer give any fucks
You tell me not to project
You tell me not to do that with you
I tell you that I will try
I will try.
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