2018

Think I need to be alone for a long while.

I can't remember a single period of my life that hasn't revolved around some member of the male species.

I've dated people who were my opposite and tried to fix me.
I've dated people who understood me deeply because they were fucked up themselves.
It's exhausting and I don't think a relationship should be an emotional crutch for dealing with your own mess.

I'm attracted to vulnerable, complicated people because being understood makes me feel safe. But if I can't deal with my own shit how the fuck do I deal with someone else's?

I think I need to just
Take some time off and be properly alone
Learn how to be by myself
And maybe then I'll be less fucky
And more able to seek healthy relationships

 I don't think I should be allowed near anybody right now. I thought I was getting better at being a person but underneath it all I still hate myself and it's stronger than any other notion I have.






I'm glad I got the chance to brush up on you but if we collided any harder we'd just destroy ourselves.